“You know what they say…a happy vagina is a happy woman. Well, they might not say that, but they should.”—Alli
It’s Alli Cat week on All of Court’s Men, featuring Alex Harris! According to Courtney Cole, Confessions of an Alli Cat is a “sexy, funny and light-hearted” read and it just so happens that this book has been on my TBR list for a while now. In celebration of #TeamAlex, Confessions of an Alli Cat is on sale this week for $0.99. There is an excerpt below for your reading pleasure but if you have the time, I recommend stopping by Courtney’s blog post here, (I have included the link below) where she provides you with a little extra humor regarding Alli’s Brazillian baldy.
Thirty-five year-old Allison “Alli” Lancaster has it all—a fabulous job, a beautiful 15 year-old daughter, a hilarious BFF and a gorgeous house with a pool and Jacuzzi in an exclusive Las Vegas neighborhood. What she doesn’t have is a husband, because she kicked her lousy, cheating ex to the curb nine months ago. Since then, Alli has paid her dues with seemingly endless self-improvement and seemingly endless mourning. Now she’s ready to move on and try new things.
Alli’s idea of “trying new things” is nothing like that devil-of-a-best-friend of hers. Somehow, Sara, the devil of a best friend, talks Alli into trying out a sex toy, sleeping with a younger man and letting a stranger in a lab jacket put hot wax on a place that should never, ever, ever see wax. And that’s only the beginning.
Alli never saw her life going quite like this. She also never thought she’d meet someone else who had the very real potential to change her life forever.
But she did.
Enter the new guy. He’s gorgeous, refined and mature. He’s also marriage material. But that poses a problem for Alli, who renounced the institution of marriage when she renounced her ex. What’s a girl to do?
They say that what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. But what the heck happens when you can’t leave Vegas? Well, you spin the wheel, of course. You play the game and let the chips fall where they may.
Alli just hopes she can find them all.
“You look marvelous!” Sara says when I round the corner into the bedroom.
“I feel ridiculous.”
“Why? We are simply two wealthy women with trophy boy toys out for a night on the town at one of Vegas’s most luxurious night spots. Nothing to feel ridiculous about.”
“I’m dressed like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, only without the body for it,” I say, indicating my short, tight dress. “How did I let you talk me into buying this?”
“Well, I thought it might help things with Rick the Dick many moons ago, but this is an even better use. Besides, you look mouthwatering.”
Standing up, she walks to me. She trails the fingertips of one hand down my cheek.
“A beautiful face,” she says, dragging her hands down to palm my boobs next. She gives them a squeeze. “Delicious rack,” she declares then grabs my waist and spins me around. “And a perfect ass,” she exclaims, slapping my butt. “You are gorgeous and any man in his right mind would give his left nut to lick you from head to toe and everywhere in between.”
“I think you secretly have the hots for me,” I laugh. “Maybe I should be going out with you instead.”
“Oh, you flatter! If either of us swung that way, we’d be perfect together. But, alas, I’m a sausage lover, as are you. No tacos for us.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Have you always been this way and I’m just now noticing?”
“Yes. You’ve been preoccupied for a few years.”
“I’m beginning to really love this new you. Even if she shocks me regularly and gets me into trouble more often than not.”
“You love it and you know it. I add much-needed excitement to your life,” Sara claims, walking to the mirror to touch up her lipstick.
“Did I tell you I love that hair style on you, too?” I ask, referring to her dark red pixie cut. She totally has the face to pull it off.
“Keep going like that and I’m yours.”
We both laugh.
“Well, I guess I’m ready.” I add under my breath, “At least as ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Then it’s time to go.”
My stomach flutters in dread and anxiety and, yes, a little bit of excitement. I take a deep breath and smile at Sara. She loops her arms through mine and grins.
“Welcome to the first night of the rest of your life.”
We make our way outside and down the walk to the curb, to the shiny black limousine waiting there. The ride is only twenty minutes or so, during which I drink champagne in the back of the limo at a rate of speed that would make a sailor proud.
When we glide to a stop at the club, I follow Sara out of the car.
And the man waiting for me nearly takes my breath away.
He’s taller than I imagined and much broader than I expected. His shoulders look a mile wide in his perfectly-tailored tuxedo, making his waist look smaller than mine. His hair is dark brown and his eyes are the same dark, sparkling blue as they are in his picture.
He’s young, all right. But there is nothing boyish about this guy. Not at all.
As I step from the car, he extends his hand toward me. I slip my fingers into his and he smiles. I’m pretty sure my knees go numb and my uterus has a spasm. But it’s when he speaks that I know it’s all over but the shouting. And the Hallelujah choir.
“You’re more beautiful than I could’ve imagined,” he purrs in a deep, velvety voice.
Yep, I’m gonna ride him like a runaway bull tonight. No two ways about it.
The thought makes me smile.