A Scandalicious Interview with Diary of a Submissive author, Sohpie Morgan
For me personally, I think it would be impossible to read Sophie Morgan’s Diary of a Submissive and not have a couple of questions running roughshod through your brain at the end. Luck for you, my dear sweet reader, I was able to go straight to the source, well, via her awesome publicist, and ask away! Lucky for all of us, Sophie Morgan is an awesome question answer-er! So sit back, grab a cuppa and get ready to scroll…
Scandal: First off, I have to ask or my readers would have my head, how much of this story is true and how much is embellished with artistic license?
Sophie Morgan – No-one’s life fits a narrative flow without a little jiggling. Events have been amalgamated and details have been changed to protect people’s privacy, but the core of it – all the emotions and smut if you will – was all honestly felt and happened. Even the chopsticks. Especially the chopsticks.
Scandal – augghhh, the chopsticks – don’t say the “c” word.
Scandal: Seriously, with all of the internet super highway shit running around, you’ve never looked Ryan up, even just to be slightly stalkerish? Not even a peek? Hell, I have a burning desire to know what he’s up to and I’ve never even met him!!
SM – Before Facebook and Myspace and the like was a thing and when I was feeling especially forlorn and at a low ebb I did once do a search for his name and email everyone listed as having a Hotmail address with his name with a ‘hi, you might remember me…’. The only reply I got was from someone who thought I was their stalker ex girlfriend using a fake name to see if they’d started dating again. I thought it best to step away before I kickstarted any major incidents.
Scandal: You mention it in the book but for my readers who may not have read it yet (get busy readers, don’t miss out on this one!) Tell us how you realized you are a submissive.
SM: It was a pretty gradual process. From a young age I knew I was captivated by women being held captive (Maid Marion in Robin Hood was a big thing) but that wasn’t sexual, just something I found myself fascinated by, aged nine or ten. As I got older and read erotica I realised I was into dominance/submission type scenarios, but for a long time I didn’t really believe ordinary folk did this kind of thing while holding down jobs, paying rent, remembering to watch Grey’s Anatomy and the like. A chance encounter with Ryan (as mentioned above), where he swatted me with a wooden paddle hairbrush kickstarted me on a road of smutty fun.
Scandal: How are you able to compartmentalize your submissive life and your work/family life?
SM: I honestly don’t find it difficult, it’s not really a conscious thing. I have my work life, my friends and family and social commitments and all the other things I get up to, and then I have my sex life with my boyfriend which just happens to be incredibly rude. By its nature as a sex life it’s something that stays pretty separate from the rest of my life. Except for that time I forgot to put the riding crop away before my best friend came round, but I think she had a sneaky suspicion of the sort of thing we got up to anyway…
Scandal: Why do you think there is such a slutty (as in bad, dirty) stigma attached to women who aren’t afraid of the pleasures of sex?
SM: I don’t know, but it’s one of the things that makes me really angry. Sex SHOULD be fun and women should be allowed to enjoy it without being judged for doing so. No matter what you think about Fifty Shades of Grey as a book, if if has encouraged women to be more open about their fantasies and what they want to get up to in bed, and made that more socially acceptable then that can only be a brilliant thing.
Scandal: Now, I don’t want to fight but I have to ask…Ryan = good, James = good, Thomas, I’m new to this but I have to think Thomas is not a healthy Dom relationship sort of guy is he? I know he’s your friend but I kinda’ felt like he and Charlotte, “Mean Girled” you and to be honest, I kinda’ want to meet them so I can kick their asses for you. We’re not fighting are we, please say we’re not.
SM: Ha, it’s ok, I’m a lover not a fighter. I might glare at you a little bit though… It’s been of real interest to me how readers have taken to the three dominants in the book, not least because of course they’re all based on real people. It’s interesting because of the three the one who upset me most was most definitely James (although I’m ok now I hasten to add), but Thomas is the one getting the least amount of reader love. I do wonder if the Tom relationship seems jarring to people more because it’s an unromantic one – we were friends with d/s benefits rather than boyfriend and girlfriend and as such perhaps his dominant ways came across as more harsh because they weren’t tempered with the more emotional side of things. For what it’s worth, Thomas is genuinely a lovely guy and remains one of my good friends. I had Sunday lunch with him a fortnight or so ago actually, and while we were together I got a Twitter notification through saying someone had tweeted me to say how much they loved the book and how ‘Thomas was such a prick’. His face when I showed him was a picture, he literally made me guffaw. But bear in mind, he’s been completely fine with me writing up some of the things we did together for the world to see and judge. I know that he’s not identified, but it still takes a pretty gracious person to not only be ok with that but to send me a gleeful text message when the book hit number one in the UK. Maybe I just didn’t write him right
Scandal: Do you think you could explain the mindset of pain and humiliation induced pleasure? I understand the contol aspect of being submissive but for me, while my tolerance for pain is high, I still try to avoid it at all costs! It’s just me, and I’m 1000% for consenting adults doing whatever they want but slapping my face would have to be a hard limit. (are you feeling why I have a problem with Charlotte?!!?)
SM: In non-DS levels I am a big wuss too. Seriously. I can’t wax my own legs and I get my eyebrows done professionally because tweezing them myself is my hard limit. But pain feels different within that context – once the adrenaline starts and the endorphines surge it genuinely feels pleasurable and cathartic, there are points where the pain can feel too much but often what happens then is (for me anyway) it kind of diffuses and blossoms into something warming and oddly, paradoxically blissful. Sadly, it didn’t feel that way when I stubbed my toe on the edge of the filing cabinet at work this morning, but what can you do? Face slapping is a weird one for me too – it feels very taboo and demeaning, and my first instinct when someone does it to me still remains to slap them right back. But then, as that surge of rebellion passes it’s one of the things that will get me into the submissive mindset faster than any other (see also being tied up – there’s just something lovely about it).
Scandal: What has been the hardest part of your “lifestyle” (yeah, I don’t like calling it that either – maybe we should coin a new phrase, one not so cheesy, cupcake perhaps…the hardest part of your cupcake?!!?) to come to terms with internally?
SM: I think it’s the fundamental basis underpinning it all – that I enjoy being submissive. I’m not submissive at work, or at home or with my family and friends, and as a feminist I’m angry if I’m treated in any way as unequal within society. Squaring up enjoying being demeaned and subjugated sexually within that context takes some getting your head round.
Scandal: In other books I’ve noticed vanilla sex is pretty much off the table, do you have/enjoy vanilla sex?
SM: Definitely. My boyfriend and I have a lot of sex – we’re both ‘once a day at least’ unless one of us ill or we’re so knackered we’re passing out exhausted. But trust me, he’s not hogtying me for a good flogging every night. There’s usually a little d/s moment, something one of us says to the other or a bit of nibbling or some such, but even with that there’s a lot of loving, affectionate, tender sex in between the bigger scenes.
Scandal: You mention children on several occasions in Diary of a Submissive. Since your submissive role play tends to seep into your home life, should you eventually have children (do you have them already?) how do you think you’ll be able to reconcile these two intimate situations?
SM: We don’t have children yet, but it’s something on our agenda for the next few years, all being well. I think it’s inevitable that if and when that happens all sex will take a bit of a back seat for a while. We’re both more than ready for that as a trade off for parenthood, at least in the short term. Once they’re a little bit older we’ll just have to be discreet. I don’t think kids want to know their parents even HAVE sex, much less the intricacies of it, and we’re happy to stick to those terms.
Scandal: What’s the most scandalicious thing you’ve ever done?
SM: Writing a 330+ page book about the intricacies of my sex life probably!
Scandal: Well played Sophie Morgan…well played.
Down and Dirty Round – rapid fire, first thing that comes to mind:
Salty or Sweet?
Night Owl or Morning Person?
Night owl. I am the grumpiest person you will ever meet in the morning.
Coffee or Tea?
Tea at home, coffee at work (it’s much easier to make bad tea than bad coffee and bad tea makes me sad)
Mountains or Ocean?
Last song you put on repeat?
The Foo Fighters’ These Days while at the gym. It’s great for cycling to.
Favorite TV Show?
The Great British Bake Off (UK) or Modern Family (US)
Favorite Comfort Food?
Best Childhood Memory?
Learning to swim in the sea – after years of trying to learn in a pool to no avail the salt water of the ocean made me just a little more buoyant and I lost my fear and was off like a fish.
Rule Breaker or Inside the Lines?
Inside the lines. Damn my need to please.
Scandal: Thanks so much for taking the time to answer these questions. I hope my newness didn’t show too much – but I’m a knowledge is power sort of person so I tend to ask lots of sometimes banal questions. I really enjoyed Diary of a Submissive, yes, you broke my brain a bit but it’ll heal and be all the stronger for it. I hope to read more from you soon!
Sophie Morgan: Sorry for breaking your brain! Thanks so much for the questions though – they were great, not banal, and there were some new ones (which is ace and tougher than you think having done so many interviews). I’m working on a sequel for Diary of a Submissive now, so watch this space for more from me.