Author: Tara Sivec
Series: Chocolate Lovers #1
Genre: Contemporary Romance
Rating: 5+ stars
Claire is a twenty-something, single mom that grudgingly helps her best friend sell sex toys while she attempts to make enough money to start her own business to give her foul-mouthed, but extremely loveable (when he’s asleep) toddler a better life.
When Carter, the one-night-stand from her past that changed her life forever, shows up in her hometown bar without any recollection of her besides her unique chocolate scent, Claire will make it a point that he remembers her this time.
With Carter’s undisguised shock at suddenly finding out he has a four-year-old son and Claire’s panic that her stretch marks and slim to none bedroom experience will send the man of her dreams heading for the hills, the pair will do whatever they can to get their happily ever after.
Warning: includes explicit sex, profanity and enough sarcasm to choke a horse.
~~~~~~~~~~My Scandalicious Opinion~~~~~~~~~~
Holy fucking shit. At 1% in, I was snorting, by 5% I’d snarfed some snot onto my Kindle. For the entire book I laughed so hard, my face hurt. My friend Ana, whom I was reading it with, laughed so hard she almost pushed out her tampon. No joke. It’s that fucking funny. If you haven’t noticed, I’m a lover of snark. Tara Sivec is full of snark…therefore I’m Tara Sivec’s lover. Wait, that doesn’t sound right – oh well, whatever. I love her and this book so hard.
Claire held on to her virginity for a long time. I get that, I did the same thing. I wasn’t delusional, I wasn’t holding out for love…I just didn’t want to get stuck, pregnant, in my small fucking town for the rest of my fucking life. (phew, I might have some issues there I need to work on). Much like Claire, my virginity became a source of jokes and angst so…much like Claire, I gave it to a really cute guy just to get it over with. Much like Claire, I had trouble with his name the next morning because, much like Claire, I was shit fucking faced. This, luckily, is where the similarities end. I was not saddled with any sort of gift that keeps on giving after the deed was done. I totally dodged a bullet.
Carter, Claire’s hot virginity taker is smitten with the foggy image of Claire and her chocolate scent pretty much from her first hello and movie quote. Too bad frat parties provide so much freaking free beer – he was even more shit faced than Claire! Poor bastard spent the next 5 years sniffing lotions like a pussy trying to find a piece of his mystery woman. Imagine his surprise when he finds her and some little guy is loving up on her. A little guy named Gavin who has Carter’s eyes and the fucking mouth of a sailor on leave. (Do sailors really swear that much? Or, do they just have a bad rap? My FIL was an officer in the Navy and he swears like a mother fucker so maybe it’s true…I, however have never been a sailor, nor have I had a sailor in me, so I don’t have an explanation for my language.<actually, I do but that another post for another day!>)
I really don’t want to give too much away but I will tell you…it references so many things I love, Tara Sivec might be the long lost sister I didn’t know I have. I mean, Wizard of Oz, Pink Floyd, General fucking Hospital, The Breakfast Club, Tosh.0…Tosh.0 – I can’t even type right now I’m laughing at the flashbacks! And Disney movies! Hello!! What is it with the Disney movies? Why do they always have to kill the mother? I have wondered this for years…why? What did a mother do to Walt Disney? And why does the girl always have to be rescued by the big, strong guy? Seriously? It really pisses me off…fucking Disney.
Ok, I’m going to give you some quotes…I’m not even going to tell you what they are talking about or who says them, these fucking quotes speak for themselves. If you can read these quotes and not piss yourself laughing well, I don’t think I can be your friend anymore. Here goes:
“Exploding Vagina Syndrome”
“I will cut a bitch”
“my mom’s not afraid to punch a kid”
“calm down Long Duk Dong”
“pussy punch: when a twat tap just isn’t enough”
and my personal favorite…
“If I woke up this morning with my tits sewn to the curtains I wouldn’t be this much in shock”
Please, I implore you to read this book. If you read it in public, people will look at you funny but you won’t care…you’ll be too busy clearing the mascara from your eyes and snot from your upper lip. Seduction and Snacks is a hysterical book about family, love, being young, stupid and finally being able to sort your shit out. The sex is so scandalicious…ummm, there’s chocolate involved, need I say more? I thought not. The dialogue is so smart and witty and really honest. Painfully honest. I swear to you, she says aloud the very things many of us have running through our heads on an almost daily basis. Things we’d never have the balls to speak…well most of us at least, my filter is pretty much broken after 2 glasses of wine so don’t go by me. Just read the book, come back here and tell me what you think. SofaKing funny. Book #2, Futures and Frosting is due out in October…will I be reading it, you ask? Does a one legged duck swim in a circle?